Dealing with a Broken Heart on Valentine’s Day

Broken-hearted on ‘heart’ day. 

You’ve been dreading this day since the beginning of February. Valentine’s Day. Your brain tells you, “you’re already heartbroken and now everyone is going to remind you that you’re alone.” Oof. This day that is meant to celebrate love and connection feels like a knife in your chest. You’re not where you thought you would be on this day. You’re not with the person you thought you would be. The pain of unmet expectations can cut deep. Many therapists (and people) notice an increase of tension and disappointment around this holiday when things aren’t as you thought they ‘should’ be. Thanks to movies and TV, we hype up the expectations of the day based on rom-coms that are entirely unrealistic. This leaves us sad, confused, and feeling alone. While there are many mixed emotions around this holiday, there are common themes of getting through the day when you’re feeling heartbroken.

How do I get through this holiday?

First, focus on self-care. Remind yourself of your value and worth. Do what makes you happier leading up to this day and as needed. Get a massage. Have a nice bubble bath. Watch a funny movie. Enjoy a sweet treat. Have your favorite meal. Get yourself a gift to symbolize your self-compassion.

Second, consider reframing how you think of the day. Sure it’s monopolized by couples, but you do love and care for other people in your life. Friends, family, pets. These are all loved ones that you can share some love on. Maybe you can even reach out to a shelter or a hospital to love on those that may not have someone.

Third, seek connection with friends. As made popular by Leslie Knope in Parks & Rec, celebrate friendship and love with a (Gal)entine’s day event. You could even call it (Pal)entine’s day for a more inclusive celebration. While you may feel lonely, you don’t have to be alone. You aren’t alone in these feelings either. Even people in relationships can feel lonely and disappointed on this day.

Needing a bit more support?

If you’re needing more support than adding in more self-care and spending time with loved ones, check out our therapy group for the young and broken-hearted.