Shaking off labels

“People used to think I was a monster and for a long time I believed them. But after a while, you learn to ignore the names that people call you and just trust who you are.” -Shrek, Shrek the Third

Shaking off the labels and expectations of others is hard work. Growing up, you are told by your parents, teachers, friends, society that you are something. Lazy. Dumb. Weird. Unmotivated. Whatever your label was, doesn’t make it true. 

Just like Shrek leaned into the monster label and pushed others away, we too can find ourselves acting out of the labels that others have put on us. We are labeled lazy so we tell ourselves that no one is expecting much from us so why try? We are labeled weird so we tell ourselves that no one will want to be friends with a weirdo and isolate. We do these things to protect ourselves from the outward shame and judgment that others put onto us. “If I push everyone away, no one can reject me.”

We can get so stuck in these patterns that we start to believe that they must be true. Our brains are wired to find the evidence for the things that we believe. If we tell ourselves that we are weird, the first things we think of are all of the ‘weird’ things that we have done. This further validates the belief that we are weird, dumb, lazy, etc. 

Noticing that these are labels that have been put on us by others (who often don’t know the full story), can be one of the first steps in creating new patterns of being. Instead of focusing on all of the weird things we have done, we can ask ourselves “what evidence is there that I am likable?” “How have I just been human?” 

One of my favorite parts of therapy, is helping clients identify the labels that have been put on them and find out who they actually are. If you’d like to get started this journey, I’d be happy to connect with you! Use the links above to reach out and schedule a phone consultation.