Why Having Insight Doesn’t Create Change

Why Having Insight Doesn’t Create Change

Gaining insight as to why we behave the way we do can bring a great sense of relief. It helps us make sense of who we are, how we’ve developed over time, and why we respond to the world in the ways we do. But understanding things like our attachment style, how we interpret the words and actions of others, or why we have certain emotional reactions can be incredibly valuable.

But insight alone doesn’t guarantee change. 

So what does?  

We’ll get there. First, it’s important to understand what insight actually gives us.

Insight helps us identify patterns.

Insight helps us recognize patterns that have shaped us. It gives us language for experiences and helps us understand why we continue to think, feel, and behave in familiar ways.

But recognizing a pattern isn’t the same as changing it, why is that?

That’s because insight helps us make sense of our patterns but change comes from developing the capacity to experience ourselves, our emotions, and our relationships in new ways. We may be able to know exactly why we react in a certain way and still find ourselves repeating behaviors, because insight alone doesn’t replace patterns that have developed over years.

Why do we develop patterns?

We develop patterns for a multitude of reasons. Some patterns help us cope, protect us, or navigate difficult situations. Others can develop because they’re familiar. Even when a pattern makes someone feel exhausted, unhappy, or disconnected, it can still feel easier, and often safer, than doing something new. Our brains tend too prefer the familiar over the unfamiliar. 

How do we break patterns?

We begin breaking patterns when we find new ways of responding.

For example, someone might recognize that they have a pattern of overextending themselves for the people in their life. Although becoming aware of that pattern is an important first step, awareness alone doesn’t change the pattern. The next step would be to notice the pattern as it’s happening. In this instance it might be realizing they want to say “no” even though their instinct is to say “yes”.

Changing patterns can be difficult. Actively choosing a different response is uncomfortable and exhausting. It goes against what a person is familiar with and tends to bring up feelings like anxiety, guilt, fear or shame. Over time, practicing a new response can make it feel more natural but sometimes that means sitting in your own discomfort until you develop a new pattern. Change doesn’t happen because we see or understand our patterns, it comes from repeatedly choosing a different way of responding.

So, to sum it up.

Insight helps us recognize our patterns. Recognizing those patterns helps us understand why we respond the way we do. That understanding can show us where we might want to do something differently, but knowing where to interrupt a pattern isn’t the same as being able to interrupt it. The work of change happens when we begin practicing new ways of responding, even when our old patterns still feel familiar.